How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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