Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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