She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we're so committed to being not committed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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