This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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