I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize