does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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