I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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