The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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