but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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