I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my liver is dry heaving
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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