Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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