My Higher Power is John Stamos
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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