I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
