Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
