He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am one with the molecules
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
