I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
