come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
