p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
