i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize