you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
