Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
