Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
