i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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