Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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