hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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