he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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