she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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