He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
