she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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