I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
