I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
