Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
