..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
