butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
