Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
