No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
