that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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