it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
