the new term for farting is butt boxing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize