Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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