A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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