yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
