Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
