new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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