that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
