i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
