she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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