Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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