Me too!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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