I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
