Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So squirting runs in the family.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
