Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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