I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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