I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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