Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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