When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize