i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
