I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
