for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
