I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
