he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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