My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
