Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
