Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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