awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize