he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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