just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
no more duck duck goose at the bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
