I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
