OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
