Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
