see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
