this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
