hell yes lets make some ravioli
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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