i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
